Unraveling

You came to me in a dream

I saw a light and followed it like a moth without a reason

Other than it’s light. And this might

Be the sun from which I radiate

I unraveled my skin and bones to let you in

But you quickly realized blood is thicker than water

And you can’t even swim

And within this likelihood of finding hope and finding home

I lost my voice by failing to scream when I needed to the most

There are objects that felt my rage passion and desire stronger than you did.

Now my dreams are flooded with other men.

I wake up in a sweat and cry in the darkness.

No one really knows how much I am-

Unraveling

Unraveling

Unraveling

For you. To give myself to the light and not the moon. To tell myself that constellations connect stars that are millions of miles apart and there is a reason I was drawn to you. Even if I forgot it.

And there’s a reason for everything right?

And why do I feel like this, why do I charge myself with crimes I didn’t commit why am I not committed

How does one be committed

How do I keep a promise I never made?

To you. Because truly it’s true I made every single promise to me and not you because I am just that incredibly unsure of my words when I am around you. and I hold them in until I am away and can let my mind run free and play and proclaim myself a sunflower, a shining star in the night sky on her own, in her own poetry, in her own galaxy, in her own darkness. Lost in her own darkness.

And I am sorry if I didn’t spin on my head for you or turn the world upside down.

Magic does not come from me when I am numb, you took my words from me and escape was the only method of liberation. With you I feel tied down like you are my only obligation. Like I cannot even fall off the face of the earth without dealing with some sort of repercussion. Because there is a whole branch of you that is me, and to me you are leaves.

And I am devoid of hope and there isn’t a fire in me now because I tried to clear my mind out to love you. I folded in my limbs and made myself compact so if you ran me over I wouldn’t be crushed, I could still walk again. Remember I gave my spine to you. there is nothing to break. Don’t try there’s no use

And is it wrong to say I could never protect you?

And if there was a bullet I wouldn’t let you

Save me. There is no saving a woman who is her own hero, her own lifeblood, who breathes fire, and can expand and contract herself when needed. I contracted myself but you never see it

Your eyes are pointed downwards and you are encumbered with yourself. I am a world to you, but I am not your world. Love comes in waves, but is no ocean. When I found the source I thought it was never-ending, but it really was just accumulation from a storm. There isn’t enough clean drinking water for all of us

Each day I bend my back over to look at the world, burn holes in my eyes to withstand the collective pain of humanity. I ache for others, and repair myself-

You ache for yourself and I will never be able to accept your lack of investment in the living of others. I carry their weight on my back.

But I do not want to carry yours much longer. I am weary from the long winding road and I have much time ahead.

This vision had prospects but lost itself midway. Neither of us wanted to get wet we just dipped our toes in and I wanted to be fearless but I don’t think that you are ready to release yourself like I have

You cling to your bones like your name is engraved in them

I lost my skin years ago

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They Teach Us to Imagine

When we are little

They teach us to imagine

Clouds are animals

Blankets build forts

A round man delivers presents at our door

We chase after

Things we have

Yet to discover

Do not exist

And we yearn

For the magic

Not the truth

But what lies

Somewhere in the

Gray areas

Our intellect-just forming

Our intuition-undeveloped

And our innocence intact

We may silently observe the world around us

But we run past the facts

We proclaim all we can dream

Every day we discover

New people we can be

We are little balls of energy

Ablaze with ideas and

The crazy notion

That the earth

Is in motion

To satisfy our

Ever-aching desire

To explore

We plan to circumnavigate

We pinpoint all our future dates

We name our children

Build our houses

Arrange our travels

We are so full of life

And laughter

And energy

And light.

We are so light

And free

Worries evade us

Any calamity quickly vacates us

Necessities are few

For the ice cream truck, maybe a dollar or two

We want trees for climbing

And hills for rolling

Some company to project our

Wild tales onto

But all we need is our minds

These minds so open

So beautifully open

We have yet to be affected by

The times in which we live

We are children of the present

Our souls unaltered

Our knees dirty but our

Minds clean

Our rooms messy but our

Hearts neat

We are so effervescent and free

And after all these years

I have this fear

I have lost that glimmer

I long not for my age to reverse

But to preserve that electric splendor

For the everyday

The elements of the earth

Adults consider mundane

Regardless of my youthful soul

My optimism and drive

Towards that world I know

Somehow I’ll never truly

Gain back that glow

As the strain of true freedom takes a toll

And I realize everyday more and more

Why they taught us to imagine.

And so I allow my mind to remain open

This time without the naiveté

But maintaining that juvenile fantasy

By clinging to those dreams

Still so precious to me

As I eagerly begin

to unfold their reality.

Original Poem, written 7/8/15