You were not deserving

You never ever deserved access to me

Giving you a glimpse of my innards was a mistake

I labored through the upstream to carry my dreams to you

You poured them back, and floated away

I will never lose my breath for someone as lost as you again

I mistook your delusion for direction

I mistook your desperation for decision

You can manipulate and twist and warp every small detail but you can never erase the truth

I would’ve never treated you as you treated me

I would’ve never been so irresponsible, so careless, so selfish, so greedy, so cruel

Intention doesn’t matter when the impact is splitting someone in half

You were never deserving of my energy

You deserved none of it, not an ounce

Not a shard of glass

Not a piece or pebble

You deserved absolutely nothing

You can’t even love yourself enough to treat others with respect

You’re lost and confused and dragged me into your chaos

I don’t know what story you will tell yourself

You’ll probably pity yourself and claim victimhood

You’ll probably act like this was out of your control

Some things just don’t work out

You’ll probably fail to acknowledge your role in your disaster of a life

The story you will tell will be lies held together by denial

The story I tell will be strands of understanding, and hope, and self reflection

The story I tell will not be of victimhood

Some people are lost and you can’t help it

Some people are lost and make their trauma your problem

A lot of people need healing and growth before involving anyone else in their process

A lot of people can’t even utter the words they need to release

I will never be one of those people

My words are my primary method of resolution

I will never keep my pain captive

I hope someone can learn from the stories I tell

I hope I can let go through this process of documenting and validating

The pain is real, the feelings are real

And so is the possibility of moving forward

Making you nothing but a memory.