Untethered

I’m starting to look more like my mother

And act less like her

I’m untethering the tether that ties us from birth

Birth means nothing

Death means everything

Untethered I become

My own entity I am not in her shadow

I am her shadow, her subconscious

The half of her spawn who refuses to endorse the sins written in blood

She lives in a deep dark abyss

I am the light she cannot face

Lies that tear a family apart:

Where have you been for ten years?

What drains your pockets?

Why do you always have another home to run to?

What are you running from?

She’s never at home

She builds tiny sand castles too close to the water purposefully

She self destructs,

And not only self

She destructs her tether

She reaches into the pit and pulls out my heart

I cannot imagine carrying a baby for nine months, then nine more, then slowly,

Day by day,

Year by year,

Dropping them.

Your lies sprouted from the ground like weeds

There were too many to conquer

I was wrong about the fatal one

It was the tether all along, itself an illusion

“Mother” is an empty promise

“Womb” is a hollow home

For all the time we spent shackled together in the beginning,

You could never tell that now

I’ve had strangers show me more warmth

I was trapped in your body and my escape was a revolution

You love control, I was uncontrollable

You love facades, I am the truth

You bury your secrets amongst the dead

I am your shadow self

You cannot face me because you cannot face what you’ve done

You’ve accepted another casualty for your ego’s war

There’s no war

You’re only fighting yourself

(June 2, 2023)